Reflections

Nine days ago, I was told that I needed to stay home from work for a week, because my ribs were not healing properly.  I was told that I needed to be flat on my back for at least 4 hours per day, and that I was to do nothing that caused any pain.  This gave me time to think about some things, and to reflect on some choices that I’ve made. 

The first thing that I realized is that I am incapable of being still without falling asleep.  I am hoping that it was from all of the medication that I was on this week, but I’m not completely convinced.  There were days when I didn’t need medication, but I fell asleep anyway.  I think what it is is that I am always moving when I am home.  I mean, I’ll pick up toys, make dinner, do dishes, wipe down counters, etc.  I rarely sit still until after the kids are in bed.  This week, because I had to stay still all the time, I just fell asleep.  Even if I was watching tv or reading a book…snoozefest.  It was crazy.

Another theory I have about this sleep thing is that maybe I really do have Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I’ve thought this for years, but never got around to getting diagnosed.  But, now, I think it might be serious.  I was cooped up indoors all week, plus it was kind of rainy and gloomy for most of the week.  Coincidence?  I’m not sure.

I also realized that, even though I love my job, it does make me a little bit sad that I can’t be a Stay At Home Mom.  I tried to do this once when The Girl was a baby, and it did not go well.  I know, in my heart of hearts, that I am a better mom when I work.  But, as I sit here on Sunday night, I can’t help but feel sad.  I am sad because I know I am really going to miss the kids tomorrow when I’m at work.  I’m going to miss all of the hugs.  I’m going to miss listening to The Girl read to The Boy during their rest.  I’ll miss the smile on The Boy’s face that I’ve seen every day this week when I told him that I wasn’t going to work.  I’m so sad that I didn’t get to do SAHM stuff this week because I was supposed to stay still.  I would have liked to go to the park.  I would have liked to bake something.  At least I did get to cuddle a lot this week.  That part was great!

I also realized that I am really glad I started this blog.  While I didn’t get to all of the writing that I wanted to do this week (as a result of all the sleeping, I’m sure) I did write quite a bit on here.  I really don’t care that I don’t have  a ton of readers.  That doesn’t bother me.  What I enjoy is getting my thoughts out of my head.  I love it when people leave comments…especially if it’s someone I’ve never met. 

Speaking of people I’ve never met, this blog, along with Twitter, has allowed me to “meet” a lot of interesting folks.  I enjoy discussing differing points of view on things.  In fact, I got asked to write a little something for another blog this week!  What a great compliment that was.  And, come to find out, the gentleman who owns that blog has a similar family situation to me, and we’ve chatted a few times about kids, moving, movies, jobs…all kinds of things.  It’s nice to get that outside perspective.  (As an aside, I’m certain that Brian would compare this to the online game he plays.  I call the people he chats with on there his “pretend friends”.  I do not deny that this is quite the same, and would not be offended if he called the people I chat with my “pretend friends” Just thought I’d throw that out there).

So, there are some things that I’ve been thinking about this week.  I hope that once I go back to work tomorrow I’ll be able to continue writing as much as I have this week.

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