Dreams and Goals of being Brian

I have to wonder, as a nearly 32 year old father of 2 and, hopefully amazing, husband, why it is that I hold so tightly to a life-long dream.  Not really life-long if I am being honest, which I am (as noted by the previous admission).  Rather, since about 7th grade.  I was a mixed up kid.  Man, I would do all sorts of stupid things just to see if it seemed to fit.  Nothing worked.  I felt like I had no idea who I was or where I fit exactly.  In 7th grade I entered theater class.  That changed my life.  I realized who I was.  It fit, and felt right. 

So, why today do I write about this strange topic?  Well, for the last couple of years I have sought after this lofty goal with fervor like never before.  I feel energized some days to get out snag an audition and get working.  But, then nothing happens.  Stagnation.  I know it’s hard.  I know that it is a long shot even to get an acting job.  That’s part of what drives me honestly. 

I do not have a goal of being famous; noticed everywhere I go.  I don’t have ambitions of being rich beyond recognition.  I am being honest here.  I have no such aspirations.  If someone approached me today and said they would get me acting work for exactly the amount of money I make right now, I would take it.  When you know who you are and what you are suppose to do it doesn’t matter how much you make. 

I don’t write often, I don’t know why but I don’t.  But, today I felt like sharing a bit about myself.  I am an actor, and I know I will have work soon.  I just hate the lack of knowledge on how to get there, but I know I will.  It’s who I am.  I often get very determined, I get fueled and energized.  I feel like I am almost there, on the right track and then, something happens.  A sick child, financial frustration or some other such major issue.  These aren’t excuses to stop, but I certainly have to focus my energy elsewhere. 

I guess this post is sort of a promise to myself that I will not quit.  I will not stop until I am there.  I will reach my goal.  I will make good on a promise a confused 13 year old depressed boy made to his future self.  When he figured out who he was and what he was suppose to do, he would quit.  He wouldn’t let adulthood and life changes and frustrations stop that intense determination.  So there it is.  You, all 2 of you, are reading the post of a future actor.  Maybe just commercials, maybe not even that.  But, a paid actor am I. 

I told past students to follow their dreams.  To find out who they were and go there and do it.  I told my children that dreams are not to be forgotten.  And, I will lead by example. 

As a side note, I really like beetles, and Veggie Tales. 

B

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